:)

Training week's officially over! :) I'm happy to have survived it. It was fun, learning how to model, how to use excel shortcuts etc etc.. My colleagues are great, and it IS fun living in nyc. I've explored a number of areas, but there's always more.. nyc is a gazillion times more interesting and exciting than philly, but philly is still dear to me. I'm going back to philly for the long weekend. Much as I enjoy nyc and its variety, philly is still home. :D

Work's fine. Working on semiconductor stocks this coming week. Lots of reading to do.. There's something strange at work I can't put my finger on though. Its not having all the information about what we're doing that bugs me. Somehow I feel like there's something the boss is hiding from us that we should know about. In any case, I've had a phone interview with a PE firm, and should be interviewing at their office some time next week. :) I don't really know how I want this to turn out though. It's potentially messy.. but I really have my reservations about my current job. It's not as though I have a contract with them anyways. I'm unpaid and its just a verbal agreement so I don't suppose it is terribly bad of me to leave earlier than I said I would, other than it being unfair on my fellow interns.

Speaking of which, which office has its interns working in conference rooms in the basement without having ever stepped into the actual office? Something is definitely fishy. :( I hate it when things are hidden from me.

Moved to ny last night. Ben mel and yx came up with me. I really appreciate the help. ;) Even my duffel was heavy.. I can't imagine if I had to take the bus up with all my things. :X Lunch yday was really good! The japanese fishcake soup was delish.. but the highlight was mel's carrot cake and apple crisp! The remnants of the carrot cake are in my fridge.. shall work on them later tonight when I'm hungry.

Falling asleep... accounting lectures are not fun.

Phew.

Results are all out, and I did ok. :)

Anyways.. I'd be moving to ny later today. Decided to take the apt in the end.

There's this guy whom I can't get out of my head. This is really really bad. :( I bumped into him downtown one day last week.. and we had lunch together. I actually agreed to have pizza. :X The conversation was good though. It's worth eating pizza for I suppose. I dunno why he's popping up in my thoughts though. I do not like him!! Bleahs. He's so nice and understanding though. I guess its refreshing to talk to someone who doesn't know that much about me, and is interested in knowing more? I wouldn't mind getting to know him better, but not beyond that I think. Sometimes I feel that I've a rather limited circle of friends, but this is due to my preference to hang out with people I'm more familiar with.. and hence feel more comfortable around.

I miss gina. :(

Went outlet shopping with ben mel joan and yx yday. Got a bunch of silly stuff like a new king sized comforter! Hehe. It's gorgeous, with light blue and white strips.. just right for summer!

Hmm

Ny trip was rather uneventful yesterday. I went to the apt and put down a deposit for it. It's small and not in a great neighbourhood, but at least it's cheap.. but later that day, the girl called me and told me that she mixed up her end dates. She's supposed to move out by 30th June, so I can only sublet her place till then. My internship would only end on 11th July. If I do take her place I'd be homeless for 2 weeks. :( She gave me till sunday to decide.. and wouldn't take my security deposit if I decide not to take it as the terms have changed. That is nice of her, but my conundrum is still unsolved.

Met up with a bunch of people yesterday. :) Pinkberry with francine in ny was fun.. I won't see her the entire summer!! There's always next semester I suppose. Russell made curry chicken for dinner, and it was really good. Other than the fact that they cooked brown rice (mainly for me cuz I don't eat white rice) but finished virtually all of it by the time I came back from ny. I had one spoonful of rice to go with the curry. :( Met up with mariam too, and bummed at her place watching funny youtube videos.. and the night went downhill from there.

Met up with him to talk about our problems.... wasn't exactly a fruitful conversation. He was being stubborn, and tried to pin the blame on me. I was seriously furious. A heated argument ensued and.. I figured he doesn't want the truth and so I told him what he wants to hear and that was that. It was rather funny though. Some friends came in, and this guy came over to sit down and talk to us for a bit. It came as a relief. I didn't really want to justify myself. Talking to him never seems to help. Things just appear fine on the surface after that.. but once I scratch deep enough, everything is still there and unresolved. Useless compromises to keep the peace.

Updates

Finals are over! :)

Got a phone call from germany this morning- they've found someone more suited to the job than I am. Ahwells. I'd love to be in munich, but I don't suppose I'd be that great a marketing intern. :) Everything's for the best I suppose.

An update on the ny housing issue: I spoke to a fellow colleague last night, and he mentioned that he'd be staying in philadelphia this summer too, and would be commuting to ny whenever required. I emailed the boss since his earlier email said that I'm the only one who still wants to live in philadelphia, and his reply was that he didn't know, but he's still interviewing more people so there might be more who'd be staying in Philadelphia. What am I supposed to do now? I'm on my way to ny to see an apt and pay the rent on it. ARGH. This is horribly annoying. I suppose I'd get the place regardless and hope I don't regret it. It's such a hassle finding reasonably priced ny apts. :(((

Finally..

One last paper, 6hrs and 30 more minutes, and I'd be done!! Half of my undergraduate career would be over. :( Okay. That's enough I guess. I almost sound like I'm graduating but there's still two more years to go. I'm sick and tired of studying, but this last exam is crucial. I haven't been doing that great in this class, so I'd need to do exteremely well on the final to boost up my grade. Especially since it's a major class.. International Financial Markets.. Strangely enough, I don't feel like I know a lot more about forex than I did before. :X I mean, I guess I now know how to compute the values of outstanding swaps and hedging strategies and what nots... but that wouldn't really be useful unlesss I want to go into trading.

Anyways. A friend just told me that he's still angry. He's 24 years old and still angry about this small matter after 10 days??? That is extremely juvenile. I can be considered petty, but even then, I generally stop being angry after a few days? SIGHS. He shall be ignored.

Annoyed

Sighs. I am annoyed. The company which I am working for has pretty much informed me that I should look for housing in ny as I'd be the only one still staying in Philadelphia. Context: I'm interning in ny (unpaid) for the first half of summer, and the company told me that I could stay in Philadelphia and work from here as there would be other interns who'd want to work from Philadelphia too. NY rent is exorbitant, but I guess most of the others have found housing either by bunking over with siblings or friends for the duration. I'm not miffed about having to stay in ny, but rather, that the plans change so much. I was initially thinking of finding a place in ny, and even went up to look at some apartments, but eventually decided on not getting one since the locations were inconvenient or the rent was slightly too steep. In addition, the company mentioned that we might have a training week in Philadelphia, and that would defeat the purpose of me getting a place in ny! Sighs. Everything is a mess.

In any case, I've interviewed for 2 positions in the past week. One is for an RTA position in school, and the other is a marketing intern position in Munich. I'd love to work in Germany!! The position's unpaid, but the company would pay for my airfare to Munich, for accommodations there, as well as ground transportation, which sounds great to me. :D I'd be hearing back from them next week. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Sleepiness and Unproductiveness

This is rather terrible. I've been sleeping at 3 or 4am for the past 3 nights and my sleeping cycle is screwed up. Studying has definitely not been efficient for a while. I did have 2 great conversations last night though. One with joan over dinner, and another with jh in the middle of the night. I love how joan and I can just talk freely- our conversations are full of laughter when its just the two of us. It didn't feel as nice later on when he joined us for supper though. I was quite annoyed. When I was trying to say something, he made this "shh" sound which is extremely condescending. Conclusion: he's a jerk and I should seek to avoid him as much as possible. I was still upset when I came back, and went to look for jh for a nice long chat. I've resolved to change, to stop being silly, and to cut off most forms of contact. :) That should make me a happier person. It's not as though I need him to be around. Him being present does add value, but the negative side effects far outweigh the positive value he brings to my life. Shoo. Be gone. You were the one who told me to go away the other night, childish boy.

Tutoring/Mentoring

Do I really enjoy tutoring and mentoring? I do derive satisfaction when my student understands a concept, or see an idea from a new viewpoint from before. At those points in time, I am truly happy, but am I on the whole? Yesterday I had an interview for a Residential Teaching Assistant (RTA) position at the engineering school's summer camp for high school students to be held in July. I was asked questions about why I've done so much tutoring and mentoring and where I see myself going with that. I couldn't answer that question well, because I really am not sure. Sometimes I wonder why I tutor. The pay isn't sufficient to justify the value of my time (especially during finals week).. so do I derive sufficient utility to continue with tutoring next year? My mum has been on my case to focus on my studies, but I'm really bad at that. I don't think the amount of time commitment has much to do with how well I focus, as I could easily be unproductive with my free time when I don't see the need to do something then and there. :P I love working on the biodiesel project with Saul High School though. Consistent contact with young curious minds.. about something chemical engineering related. It's almost a perfect match! :) Hopefully the plan to design a reactor works out next semester. We haven't had a great batch of diesel thus far probably due to less than precise laboratory equipment in the high school chemistry lab. On our very first visit to Saul we actually worked in the work shop (its an agricultural charter school).. It was fun nevertheless. :)

Anyways I seem to be rambling off my initial topic.. I've been tutoring a lot in the past weeks. End of semester tutoring with the tutoring center, as well as private tutoring (this gal emailed me to ask if I would help her). I guess I don't really think that the extra time would be better spent studying (I wouldn't exactly be efficient from 10pm-2am), but I guess staying up to tutor does make me tired the next day, and therefore be less inclined to focus on the work at hand. Today, for example, I studied for something like 2 hrs in the day (I was rudely awoken after 5 hrs of sleep by a wrong number call and was sleepy) and proceeded to drag russ out on an "excursion" downtown for food and got tempted by ben thereafter to go shopping at the nearby mall. The traffic there and back was horrendous, but I got a couple of good buys. A hoodie, a sweater and a shirt dress for $30 isn't bad at all. I can't wait to go outlet shopping after finals!

In any case, I've only cost accounting and international financial markets left. It's liberating to know that I'm DONE with 5 out of my 7 courses. :D Never again, I swear. 7 courses is not fun. Unless of course, I decide to do both accounting and finance concentrations.. That's a choice I'd leave to senior year.

Time for a change?

I've had the other blog for almost 2 years now. I've changed a lot since I started blogging, and I thought my blog should reflect this.. I'm almost 21- and I've learned a lot along the way, especially in the last two years away from home. It does feel different studying in the states, away from everything familiar in singapore. I love my life here, but there's some things I need to break away from. One's first relationship always had a massive impact when things go wrong.. but the strong one is able to stand up, walk away, and tidy up the pieces. The title of my blog means with all of one's strength is going to be my mantra from now on. I'm going to do what ever I set out to do with all of my strength! :)